Building Personal Resilience

Whilst parts of the world are still in the grip of the pandemic, hopes continue to grow that countries like the UK, who have high vaccination and booster rates, are into the endemic phase. With this, the Omicron restrictions are finally over and businesses are now actively engaging the workforce on the return to the office and getting their hybrid business models working as efficiently as possible ... but this is also a time for employees to reflect and reset on their self-management.

Make time for self-management

For business leaders, the relentless pressure shows no sign of easing which places more emphasis on their ability to build and manage their own personal resilience over time. To do so requires a higher degree of self-management that, for many, might have been the case in pre-pandemic times

The question of self-management is a perennial one in our coaching work but the pandemic/endemic has brought a further dimension of uncertainty to the VUCA (volatility, uncertainty, complexity, and ambiguity) world to which everyone was already trying to adjust.

So, what is best practice when it comes to self-management?

Self-management proven techniques

January resolutions may be over but there is no need to re-invent the wheel … it’s a question of applying what you know already works to your current situation … and building routines to stick to it.

The dictionary definition of resilience is “the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness”.  The implication is that, to become more resilient, we should find ways of being tougher; the inference being that if we can’t or don’t, then we are weak or worthless. As a recipe for internal conflict, stress and all its consequences, this definition is not bad … but not one that we help our clients to cook.

Resilience over time is actually about “rolling with” the circumstances rather than using one’s strength to fight against them; it’s about staying with the question, staying in the moment, rather than soldiering on.

Here are the actual ingredients we believe are important to improve your self-management and develop greater personal resilience.

1. Do a reality check  

State the reality in as factual and clear terms as you can, avoiding the use of emotional distortions such as catastrophising, generalisation and the use of “black and white” language. Think about the situation, the people involved and be as concrete as possible in describing the event in question. For example, rather than stating “I feel overwhelmed; I’m never going to get all of this done and I think I am going to lose my job”, you could say “I have been asked to complete two reports, do a new client pitch, and I need to have one to one meetings with all my direct reports by the end of the week. The sales director is off sick adding a further challenge in terms of getting the client pitches just right.”

2. Accept it

The key to resilience is the acceptance of things that are outside of our control rather than resisting them. Resolve unconditionally to accept the situation, right now. The past can’t be changed; there is no other situation than the present one; any other is just an illusion.

3. Resolve to place your attention on what you control and what you can influence

Ask yourself the classic coaching question: “where to, right now?”. You might find it helpful to list out the things that are, in this moment or within a reasonable timescale: 1. Out of your control; 2. Within your influence; 3. In your control.

• Things you don’t control: the past; colleague absences; client timeframes.

• Things you can influence: stakeholder expectations; resources and support; less-essential tasks.

• Things you can control: what you do next; rebalancing social life for the very short term; keeping fresh.

This might lead to an adjusted narrative such as “The client pitch is the priority. It’s important I talk to the team so I will do one group team meeting. I’ll explain the situation to the other internal teams and my boss as to what flexibility in terms of resources and deadlines can be found.”

4. Set realistic expectations

Check that you are setting realistic expectations of yourself (and others). Taking a more honest appraisal of what can be achieved in the coming weeks and months can relieve some of the self-inflicted pressure. Importantly, to avoid reputational damage engage constructively with senior stakeholders. Communicate the choices you see, the options you are planning to take and any help you need from them.

5. Be kind to yourself

We won’t attempt to summarise the plethora of advice out there when it comes to being kind to yourself, but think about how you manage your own well-being. You can’t outsource this to someone else, it’s your responsibility, whether it’s getting out for more regular walks, making time for outside interests, or arranging dinners with friends or colleagues to maintain personal connections.

 Think of your wellbeing like a bank account; you can’t keep drawing down without eventually going into an overdraft, you need to build up your wellbeing capital.